Waiting

I’ve had a wonderful year this, I have learnt more than I could ever imagine I’d learn, been stretched and challenged more than I ever thought I could bear, and have started to hear God’s call on my life. And now I must move on, taking the next step. Stepping into the unknown, the dark and the fog. It’s scary. All I currently know is what I’m leaving behind – a wonderful ministry which I have had the privilege to serve in this year, a church family where I have been supported beyond measure, a house perfect for my needs, a job that I enjoy. All I know about the future is that I need to find a job, somewhere to live, and a church, preferably before the end of August! And all I can do, between job applications, is wait. Wait for the interviews. Wait for the job offer. Wait for God’s direction. Wait for where to even begin to look for somewhere to live. Wait for somewhere to live. Wait for God to show me the right church. I can visit, research, apply, pray, hope, scream, panic, but ultimately, all I can actually do is wait. Wait for God to show up and guide my steps. I’d love it if He gave me a torch.

As I write, I am reminded of that poem, “Gate of the Year” by Minnie Louise Haskins, which begins:

“And I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year: “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”
And he replied:
“Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the Hand of God. That shall be to you better than light and safer than a known way.”
So I went forth, and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night. And He led me towards the hills and the breaking of day in the lone East.”

I am starting a new year. Soon, I will likely be moving from the time when I count years purely in ‘school years’, September-August, to perhaps more often January-December, or even the tax year April-March. It’s a new season. I’d love it if God would give me a torch to light the next few steps. Sometimes He does, sometimes, His Word speaks so clearly to us that it is a definite “Lamp unto our feet, and a light unto our path”, but He only shows us as far as we need to know, when we need to know it. And often, that’s only the next step. So for now I must wait. And in that waiting, I must trust God, for He is the only one who knows the next step. Past experience and the testimony of others teaches me that God will provide for my needs, at just the right time, in His time. Yes, I must act, I must be pro-active. But worrying and anxiety, researching 2 steps ahead, or trying to second-guess where I’ll be isn’t helpful, and simply causes me to try to force things at my speed, in my way, and I have also learnt that that is really NOT a good idea. So now, it is time to wait, pray, and trust. I choose to remember Jesus’ words from Matthew 6:25-33

Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? ²⁶ Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? ²⁷ And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? ²⁸ And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, ²⁹ yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. ³⁰ But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? ³¹ Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ ³² For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. ³³ But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.