repairerofwalls

Last week I blogged about the theology of posture in worship – how do we enable everyone to worship God with the whole of their bodies, even though almost all of us experience some kind of limitation on our bodies at some point in our lives, and some of us experience that permanently, or longer term?

In almost every church service I have been in (apart from the ones I have led), the congregation have been invariably asked to stand to sing, affirm their faith or say the liturgy. As someone for whom standing can be difficult, I think we need to explore why we do these things in our services, and how we can better enable people to worship God, whatever their physical abilities and limitations.

Firstly, I think that whatever words service leaders use to introduce the next part of a service, the focus should be on God and our relationship with Him. So, what are we doing when we sing, say a liturgy, hear the gospel, say the creed, listen to the intercessions or take communion? Name that as part of your introduction. Secondly, all of these things take place when “two or three are gathered in Jesus’ name” – i.e. they are all communal acts that we do together. Yes, we can sing to God or speak out a liturgy or prayers on our own, but in a service we are doing it as a community, we are doing it together. These two things are the most important things to emphasise as a service leader.

When we invite people to sing a hymn or song, we are inviting people to “worship God together in song”. When we say or sign the liturgy, we are worshipping God together through the words we say or listen to, the thoughts we sign or see. When churches ask people to stand to hear the gospel, this is to do with reverence and worship of Jesus Christ in our hearts as we hear the words written about his life, death and resurrection. When we say the creed we are affirming or declaring publicly the faith that we believe. When we listen to the intercessions (for which many now sit and some may kneel) we are bringing our requests to God, with thanksgiving, about the issues and things that concern us in our world and the lives of those we know and love, and are trusting that He has the power to intervene in those situations to change them in accordance with His will. None of these things, in usual circumstances, necessitate us changing our physical posture in order for our spiritual posture to be right before God.

At this point I want to affirm that we are all physical, mental, emotional and spiritual. We are created as holistic beings. Therefore, our spiritual worship is physical, mental and emotional to a greater or lesser extent. By that I mean that our spiritual worship – praise or lament, reading and receiving Scripture, the celebration of the Eucharist, our prayers for ourselves and for others – all involve our physical bodies, our minds (whatever our assessed level of understanding) and our emotions. For each of us, whether we have a disability or not, the interaction of our physicality, our thoughts and emotions will vary, because whilst we are all created in the image of God, we are all created unique. This uniqueness also means that the way we engage with our physicality in worship will be different – depending on our level of movement, pain and function. But we will all engage in some way with the physical reality of our human bodies as we worship.

For someone who uses a wheelchair, this may well be that at the point of receiving communion it is important to them that they move/are moved from where they have been for most of the service to the table to receive – do not presume that if someone cannot walk they must want to receive communion in the place where they have been sitting.

Personally, I can stand for short periods of time and given very specific arrangements, I can kneel for very short periods too. Both of these are often important to me, and help me to draw close to God. The physical movement, for me, enables or signifies something spiritual, just as, for some people, tears enable or signify something spiritual, and, for many people it is essential that they understand in their minds as well as their hearts what they are doing spiritually. (All of these are true for me).

However, if I am in pain, am physically very tired or am struggling with my balance, or the time of sung worship is a long one and/or there is nothing in front of me to hold on to, standing to sing, and kneeling, can be a distraction or barrier for me in worship, and is also potentially a barrier for others around me. (If the person next to you, in front of you or leading the service looks like they are in agony or are about to topple over, that will be distracting for any compassionate person). This is why I sit to preach and sometimes to lead – it helps me and others to focus on what I am there to do. In those instances therefore, I use my physicality in other ways.

If I am in a lot of pain or very tired, I may just sit with those current circumstances, conscious of them and bring them before God, and then sit and listen to the songs being sung and words being spoken, joining in as I feel able. If I have just found myself in a seat where I can’t hold onto the pew/seat in front, I will sing wholeheartedly, raising my hands and possibly clapping, and for the gospel and the creed I will sit up straight, without leaning against the back of the chair. I prefer to kneel to receive communion- but if I can’t because there is no rail, the kneeler is too hard or too low etc., I will stand, so that I can focus on receiving the bread and wine.

For the same reasons, when I lead, I encourage people to take the posture that most enables them to engage in worship and meet with God at that moment. There doesn’t have to be a permanent reason why someone takes a particular posture, and the reasons don’t have to be physical either. Many with learning difficulties process messages from their senses in different ways – so some need to move around a lot, some need to stay still in a quiet space. People struggling with their mental health may find the task of a particular physical movement being required to be too overwhelming at the time. Someone with PoTS may have low blood pressure or sudden drops in blood pressure and need to remain lying down to be physically safe to worship.

Taking all these things together then, how might we lead a service in a way that enables them to meet with God? I will now address a few issues which people have raised with me when I have spoken about this in the past.

1. Some have said that if they don’t ask people to stand, people may wonder what they are meant to do. My suggestion would be to introduce the service by saying you won’t (generally) be asking people to assume a particular posture at particular moments and that they should stand, sit, kneel or lie down as is most enabling for them to meet with God, for that is what we gather to do. Saying this at the beginning will mean most people feel confident to do whatever is best for their worship, and hopefully any latecomers will pick that up too!

2. What about specific situations where the Spirit leads us to (e.g.) kneel or stand communally? People will of course differ in opinion on this, but for me, I think that in specific circumstances, where the above is the norm, if the service leader was to share with the congregation that they felt God asking the congregation (e.g.) to kneel in repentance or stand to declare or affirm something, i wouldn’t have an issue with it, and as the purpose of it had been explained, I would do the same if I was able and if not, I would do the next closest thing I could, trusting in God’s love and faithfulness that He knows my heart.

3. Some of the congregation may object… This is a difficult one to admit, especially for people who prefer to avoid conflict, but it is something that needs to be recognised, acknowledged/named and addressed. These kinds of attitudes do exist, and will mean that people, particularly those living with disabilities, will feel rejected and unwelcome. These attitudes need to be challenged. Whilst we are worshipping communally, we are unique and what we do with our bodies as we worship should not matter if it is not harming anyone or putting anyone at risk, it is as basic as that.

4. Our building is not accessible, we want it to be but we can’t raise the money to change it, and/or we don’t know where to start. This is a challenge for many church buildings, particularly listed ones or ones built on a hill, for example. The best place to start is to conduct a disability audit of your church building(s) – if you are part of a denomination, they will hopefully have resources and expertise available to help you. If you are an independent church, there are resources available online. Finances are another big challenge, especially as disability access is a statutory requirement and so grant providers rarely give grants for this work. However, if you can combine this work with other work to improve its heating system, layout for community purposes, facilities or flexibility, and accessibility is built into the design, you may well be able to get funding towards the wider project that can be used to improve accessibility as you go along.

Let us, as the body of Christ, commit to enabling everyone to engage in worship and encounter God, whatever their situation or circumstances.

Finally, we are all learning, please do not beat yourself up for a) not thinking about this before b) making mistakes or forgetting in the moment when you’re leading the service. What is important is the intention and the desire to keep learning and becoming more welcoming and enabling people to meet with God. I’ll let you into a secret… in my second service as a Reader I had to introduce the creed, and panicked- demanding that people “STAND to affirm their faith in the words of the creed”… yes, I have done it too!

This morning I had the honour of preaching at Leicester Cathedral, as part of their Lent season theme “Salt of the Earth”, focusing on social action. Here is the text of what I shared (the recording is available here).

We live in a broken world. That much is clear from the news, from our own lives and the lives of those we know and love. We often want to ask “why?”, and we wonder whether there can be any hope, not just for ourselves, but for other people, for Creation and our relationships.

Today’s readings show us the common thread of our call to a relationship of trust in God, from the first command and the breaking of that relationship with humanity’s disobedience, through to its restoration in and through the obedience of Christ.

Genesis 2 and 3 give us a glimpse of humanity’s wonderful, whole, relationship with God, founded on trusting that God alone has the ‘knowledge of good and evil’, before we see it come crashing down as Adam & Eve decide that it would be better for them to have the ability to choose what is right and wrong for themselves, and be in control of the world around them. It is this seeking of control rather than a trusting relationship with God that summarises ‘sin’. I know that far too often, I try to justify my actions by my own knowledge and understanding, or I try to take control of my life in other ways, rather than trust God in what He asks of me.

This same undercurrent of longing to control our world, be that in responses to particular issues and situations, or in our broader attitude to our lives and the lives of those around us runs through each of us, harming others or ourselves, our planet and society, and through each human being that has lived before us. This is what Paul is saying in Romans 5: 12-14 – whilst the Law didn’t come until Moses, there was one command, right at the beginning, to trust God to hold the knowledge of good and evil, which all, intentionally or unintentionally, transgress.

When we do this in a specific and identifiable way, we can, like the psalmist, come before God, confess our sin and turn back to God, choosing consciously to trust in God for our salvation and our lives, rather than, as the psalmist describes, stubbornly behaving like a horse or mule that needs a bit and bridle to do as it is instructed. For some reason, that image resonates with me more than I’d like to admit! The psalmist declares that “steadfast love surrounds those who trust in the LORD”. It is those who repent – turning back to God – and seek forgiveness, who can rejoice and shout for joy, being ‘upright in heart’, because they have placed their trust in the LORD.

In many theological, artistic and musical reflections on Christ’s 40 days in the desert, he is imagined or depicted as being completely alone. Humanly, that is true, and yet all 3 synoptic gospels make clear that Jesus is not alone – He goes into the desert ‘driven by’, ‘full of’ or, in Matthew’s gospel, ‘led by’ the Holy Spirit, in order that he be tempted or tested by the devil. This time of testing in the wilderness is not something that takes place outside of or separate to, Jesus’ relationship with His Father. Indeed it is precisely this relationship which is the devil’s main point of attack, the first two tests use the accusation – “If you are the Son of God… then…”, directly calling into question the words of God spoken over Jesus at His baptism in the previous chapter.

Some have suggested that the three tests were related to either Christ’s Messianic mission or that they correspond with the three parts of the Jewish Shema – the command to love the LORD with all your heart, mind and strength. Whilst each of Jesus’ answers is taken from this key passage of Jewish Scripture, the focus in all the synoptic gospels is instead in demonstrating what God has done in Christ. Christ not only succeeds where Adam and the people of Israel failed, He releases us from their failures, by trusting in God’s authority and power, provision and protection, not trying to do it by human strength, and not making God His servant, but worshipping the LORD alone. This is only possible because Jesus knows who he is, whose he is and what His purpose is, with a confidence that He does not need prove to anyone, even Himself. After His death and resurrection, Jesus stood on another mountain, and was able to declare, because of His obedience to His Father, that “all authority, in heaven and on earth has been given” to Him, a greater authority than the devil could ever have offered Him.

It is only because of Christ’s obedience that we can have Hope, certain hope for our broken world and broken relationships. Paul summarises this good news in Romans 5:17 “If, because of the one man’s trespass, death exercised dominion through that one, much more surely will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness exercise dominion in life through the one man, Jesus Christ.” When we choose to repent, turn back to God and “receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness”, we receive life through the obedience of Jesus Christ. In this we choose a relationship of trust in God’s authority and power, provision and protection, not trying to live by our own strength and knowledge, but by the free gift of grace.

So what? What does this mean for how we live our lives? This is always my favourite question to ask of any passage, doctrine or theological point – what difference does our relationship with God have on the way we live our everyday lives? That is, in effect, the question posed to the Diocese in the Bishops’ 3 questions, framed in terms of “Everyday Faith”.

This, too, is what Bishop Guli is discovering on her pilgrimage this Lent – how we, as Christians, called to be Salt of the Earth, live out our faith in our everyday lives, through everyday acts of loving service in, with and of our local communities. Some of the examples Guli will see are local, practical examples of Christians recognising and meeting people’s immediate need, such as foodbanks and clothesbanks, Places of Welcome and dementia cafes. Others, such as CAP centres and money courses, and Together Leicester’s Cook & Eat hubs, seek to address some of the underlying causes behind these needs. Other acts of loving service call on those in power to address the structural and institutional barriers to God’s Creation and our communities flourishing, nationally and internationally. All are needed, and I’d encourage you to explore how God is calling you to get involved in your local community, considering the skills, experience & knowledge that you have to offer.

As Development Worker for Together Leicester, I support churches across the Diocese and county to serve their local communities, both with immediate needs and to identify and address the underlying issues. I would be very happy to discuss ways in which you could get involved.

The broken relationships between us and God, one another and Creation are reconciled in Jesus Christ. It is as a consequence of God’s reconciling grace that relationships are restored. In response to God’s mercy and grace to us, we seek to care for one another and for Creation. The good deeds that we do, the ‘social action’ we are involved in as part of our everyday faith do not earn us salvation, they are a grateful response to God’s mercy and grace, which we long to share with those around us, because we have experienced for ourselves what the psalmist discovered – that “blessed is the one who’s sins are forgiven”, and the joy that we long to share with others as we find ourselves surrounded by God’s steadfast love. If you are unsure as to whether your relationship with God today is based on trust, I encourage you to ask one of the team here to pray with you, today, that you would know God’s unfailing love and mercy for yourselves as you turn to Him.

Amen.

Here is a kind of poetic reflection that I wrote for Epiphany…

What King is this,

That the stars have changed their course?

What King is this,

That the heavens should shift?

What King is this,

Born to be king of the Jews?

We must go and search for him,

Bow down and worship him,

The One who is born king of the Jews.

What King is this,

That struck such fear in Herod’s heart?

What King is this,

So long expected and foretold?

What King is this,

Born to be king of the Jews?

We must go and search for him,

Bow down and worship him,

The One who is born king of the Jews.

What King is this,

That the teachers do not seek him?

What King is this,

that none has known to find him?

What King is this,

Born to be king of the Jews?

We must go and search for him,

Bow down and worship him,

The One who is born King of the Jews.

Who is this King,

Born into an ordinary family?

Who is this King,

Born just like you or me?

Who is this King,

Born to be king of the Jews?

Come and meet him,

Bow down and worship him,

The One who is born King of the Jews.

Who is this King,

Worshipped by people afar?

Who is this King.

Who touched the untouchables and welcomed the outcast?

Who is this King,

Born to be king of the Jews?

Come and meet him,

Bow down and worship him,

The One who is born King of the Jews.

Who is this King,

Who died on a Roman cross?

Who is this King,

Who bore our guilt and shame?

Who is this King,

Who defeated death and rose again?

Who is this King,

Born to be king of the World?

Come and meet him,

Bow down and worship him,

The One who is born to be King of All.

It’s been a while since I’ve written. Today I had the privilege of preaching on Isaiah 35 – a wonderful poem about the hope of restoration. I share an amended version (in the sermon I invited people forward for prayer for healing, so I have changed some of it to make sense online), in the hope that through it God may minister to you, too:
“Then will the eyes of the blind be opened
and the ears of the deaf unstopped.
Then will the lame leap like a deer,
and the mute tongue shout for joy.
Water will gush forth in the wilderness
and streams in the desert.
The burning sand will become a pool,
the thirsty ground bubbling springs.
In the haunts where jackals once lay,
grass and reeds and papyrus will grow.
And a highway will be there;
it will be called the Way of Holiness;
it will be for those who walk on that Way.
…
But only the redeemed will walk there,
and those the LORD has rescued will return.
They will enter Zion with singing;
everlasting joy will crown their heads.
Gladness and joy will overtake them,
and sorrow and sighing will flee away.

A few parts of the beautiful poem from Isaiah 35, speaking of the promise of restoration for individuals, creation and community, a wonderful vision which the Christian faith claims has become reality in the person of Jesus Christ.
Christianity makes that claim because Jesus himself made that claim. In our gospel reading John the Baptist is in prison. Unable to see Jesus’ ministry for himself but hearing of Jesus acting in a very different way to the Messiah he had imagined, he sends his disciples to ask Jesus “Are you the one who is to come, or should we expect someone else?”
Jesus’ response is to point to the ways in which He has fulfilled Scripture through his ministry, particularly the signs and miracles, and the proclaiming of the good news to the poor.
In the gospels, through Jesus:

• People who were blind have received their sight (Matt 9; Mk 8; 10; Lk 18; Jn 9)
• The paralysed walked (The centurion’s servant – Matt 8 & Matt 3 & 9; Mk 2; Lk 5)
• Those with leprosy were healed (Matt 8; Mk 1; Lk 5)
• The deaf could hear (Mk 7). and
• The dead were raised to life. (Lazarus (Jn 11), Jairus’ daughter (Matt 9; Mk 5; Lk 8), the widow’s son)

In his ministry, Jesus was fulfilling the promises that can be seen in Isaiah 35 and many other places in the Jewish Scriptures, to bring restoration to individuals, to community and to the land. John could be certain that Jesus is the Messiah, because of what he saw and heard.
This restoration did not end with Jesus on the cross, for He rose again, and is alive. And this restoration did not end when He ascended to heaven, because He sent us the gift of His Holy Spirit. We see this in the book of Acts, we see this throughout church history, and we see it today.
When we suffer illness, particularly undiagnosed, chronic or terminal illnesses and disabilities, it can be really hard to hold onto this promise. I know that as much as anyone else. For some reason, when we pray for healing, we don’t always see the result that we wanted. Sometimes we try to explain this, and give an answer for why these difficult things happen. I’m not going to try to do that, because having been there, and often still finding myself there, I’m not sure it always helps!
What is clear, though, is that God’s people have often found themselves both seeing God at work in the situations and circumstances around them, and also feeling like there is still something to come, a sense that God’s promises are not yet fully realised. Isaiah 35 is written for the people of Judah, who are experiencing exile, oppression and suffering. The promise was not a new one, but many had ceased to hope for it, and Isaiah addresses their fear directly in verses 3 and 4, reminding them of the LORD, the great I AM who had made Himself known to them in Moses, reminding them that the same God who rescued their ancestors from Egypt was still present and active, for them, His people. To trust in the goodness and faithfulness of God when our usual reference points for goodness seem to have disappeared can seem impossible, but it is what ordinary people did throughout the Bible. The season of Advent is about celebrating what God has done for us in Jesus Christ and what He is doing in our midst now through His Holy Spirit, whilst also waiting with excitement and anticipation for Jesus’ return and the completion of the restoration of the kingdom of God.
My personal story is also one of the “now” and the “not yet”, of having asked for healing and not received, and, of knowing with certainty through personal experience, that God definitely does heal today, in truly miraculous ways, as well as through doctors and medical professionals.
This promise is not some distant promise of the future, nor is it a hope unique to the time when Jesus walked amongst the people of Judea.
11 years ago, I went to Soul Survivor with my youth group, shortly after taking my GCSEs. For a few years before, my health had been gradually deteriorating, and then had drastically got worse. At first I was just unable to get up off the floor under my own steam, but we realised something was seriously wrong when I became unable to put my feet flat on the floor, my left foot first and then my right. I was unable to stand with my eyes closed, then unable to walk unaided, unable to hold a pen and unable to write. By the summer, I needed a wheelchair, and struggled to sit upright without support. The doctors didn’t know what was wrong, apart from that it was ‘something neurological’, and didn’t have any idea how to start treating it.
On the second night, the speaker spoke of how God had done “all these amazing healings, all over the world”, and I cried. I cried tears of anger and frustration, despair and jealousy. “If God has done all that, why hasn’t he done it for me?!” People were invited forward to receive prayer for healing, and I resolutely stayed where I was. I was too angry and worn out by repeated prayers to go forward again. But I did concede to allow a friend to get our youth leaders. I knew God *could* heal me, but to be honest, I didn’t think God would. At some point, I decided that I needed to be stood up, to know whether God had done anything, so I asked those praying for me to help me stand. One of my youth leaders specifically prayed that my feet would become flat on the floor. Instantaneously, it felt like I had a stones in my shoes, and I took them off. My feet were flat on the floor, and I immediately ran to the front of the tent, and wrote in perfect handwriting what God had done for me.

Since that day, my health and mobility has been up and down – I was born with clubbed feet and whilst the operation as a baby was as successful as possible, I do still have some difficulty – my story is a story of both the ‘now’ and the ‘not yet’ of the promised restoration of the kingdom of God.

But I am absolutely convinced that today we should pray for healing, and for specific healing, for physical and emotional healing.
God can and does heal gradually, through doctors and medicine, but He also heals through miracles, and when we don’t come to Jesus and ask for a miracle, we are missing out on a significant part of the good news of restoration and hope that Jesus brings.
God’s healing is for the whole of us, body, mind and spirit, but there are times when we need healing for something specific. Or, like when my youth leader prayed for my feet, a very specific prayer can help us to notice how God is at work, and as we notice where God is at work, in our lives and in others, our faith and expectation that God will do something increases. A biblical example of this is when Jesus prayed for a man who was born blind. Having prayed for him once, he asks the man “what can you see?” and the man describes how he sees shapes moving around, but he can’t make out what they are, so Jesus prays for him again, and then he can see fully and clearly.
So today, you are invited to pray for healing. I encourage you, if you can, to think of a specific thing that you aren’t able to do at the moment, but that if you could, you would know that God is doing something in you.
You may be afraid to ask for prayer for healing, and feel like it is too much of a risk, that you have asked so many times before, and you can’t bear to be hurt again. I acknowledge right here and now, the intense pain that repeatedly asking for, and seemingly not receiving healing, can cause. It is not a lack of faith on your part that means that you haven’t been healed – I break that lie that is hanging over you, and I share with you what I found faith ‘the size of a mustard seed’ to look like 11 years ago: “I suppose, if God is God, he could, in theory, heal me”. Nothing more than that. Only you can make the decision to ask for and receive prayer for healing, and decide whether you are willing to risk it again. I know from painful personal experience, that at times it can feel like risking your whole faith for the sake of being rid of a bit of pain. There will be no requirement or compulsion, but if you choose to take that risk, seek someone who you can trust to pray with you, and to commit to journeying with you.
You may be sitting here today and feel like I did back at Soul Survivor – angry and frustrated and feeling like God wouldn’t want to heal you. I hear you, and I understand. The suggestion that God wouldn’t want to heal you is a lie, and I speak the truth over you now, that God loves you, you are precious in His sight, and He longs to heal you and minister to you.
I encourage you, wherever you feel you are at, to trust in who God is and in His goodness, shown to each and every one of us in the death and resurrection of His Son, Jesus Christ.

It’s been a very long time since I wrote, but today, on the 17th anniversary of my baptism, on a year when the date of my baptism is, once again, Remembrance Sunday as well as Remembrance Day, it feels like a good time to start again.

I remain always thankful that the church I grew up in, the church I was baptised in, filmed the who service – testimonies, readings and prayers from friends and family, the actual baptism, and the time of prayer and listening to God for the baptism candidates with the things that were shared. They are now in sections (filmed by my Dad on an ipad, as it was replayed on a video player onto a TV!), but they are treasured by me.

This week I have been part of  multiple conversations about whole-life discipleship/ Everyday Faith/ whole-life vocation. Key to living and sharing our faith wherever we are is the phrase “asking questions, telling stories”. Our personal stories of how we came to faith, why we continue to believe and the ways in which we have seen God at work in our lives, both in the past and in recent days and weeks, are our own, living testimonies to God’s faithfulness. They are stories that others can relate to, and they are stories that we can confidently tell, and are trusted by those who know us, because we lived through them.

Whilst I grew up in a Christian family, I know the precise moment that I chose to walk with Jesus all my life. I can’t remember the date, because at 6 years old, I wasn’t really aware of them, but this I do remember:

I had been having recurring nightmares, and, as usual, got up and went to my Dad, who put me back to bed and prayed with me. I didn’t go back to sleep, but I lay down and shut my eyes. Then I heard a voice calling my name, I sat up, and Jesus was stood at the end of my bed. He had brown skin, brown eyes, brown hair and a beard, was wearing a purple robe and sandals, and had light shining all around him. He came over to me, and held me close, like a father holds a frightened child, he was saying words in another language that I didn’t understand, but I was no longer afraid. I went back to sleep, and when my parents came in the morning, I announced, with the usual confidence and certainty of a 6 year old “Jesus was here last night!”. My parents asked if I wanted Jesus to always be with me, I said yes, and I prayed with my Dad, asking Jesus into my life.

How we tell these stories will change, as we mature, as our circumstances change and as we listen carefully to what it is in our own stories which will connect with the lives of those around us.

Yesterday, we were asked to share our story in 1 minute (or less!) so I summarised the above story as follows:

“I am a Christian because when I was 6 years old, I met Jesus and discovered that this God takes away fear.”

That doesn’t mean that I will never feel afraid again, when we are in pressured and threatening situations, or situations where our body feels pressured or threatened, the natural, biological reaction is the one that we call “fear”, but what I can be confident of because of my relationship with Jesus is that He is bigger that the things that pressure and threaten us, and Jesus gives us a peace that surpasses all understanding (Phil 4:7).

Today I had the opportunity to ask another person for, and listen to, their story, and then had an opportunity to share mine. From the story that this lady had shared, I knew that my story, as I told it above, would connect with her, as a starting point, and as we shared our stories with each other with love, came the opportunity to address some of the questions that she had about my faith, and vice versa.

In another context, I might share the ways in which I have seen God at work in my life in recent weeks, as I go about my life and my job, or how God has provided for me. For example, despite the stress and timescales, I have been able to find a ground floor flat, with the space that I need, within my budget, within my walking distance of my church and the village shops, and that the timescales worked out that I could end my tenancy and move in to this flat without facing any extra costs around terminating a tenancy early, or needing to pay for two properties at once.

How did you come to follow Jesus? Why do you continue to believe what you believe? How have you seen God at work in your life, and especially in recent weeks? Could you share your stories of God at work in your life with someone this week?

This week has been a week which is beyond the imagination of many in the West. A week of violence, death and barbarity, which has seen a Christian singer shot dead whilst signing autographs in Orlando, a policeman and his wife shot dead in France, 49 people killed by one man at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando, and, just yesterday, a serving UK MP shot dead going about her job of meeting constituents and hearing their concerns, for the first time in over a quarter of a century. It is a list of death and destruction, the like of which seems foreign and unintelligible.

When faced with violence, suffering and death, to where, or to whom, can we turn? Who can we trust, where can we find hope? Many of us might turn to our friends, loved ones, and members of our community. That’s natural. And yet one of the most shocking things about some of the events this week is that there was nothing to alert the victims to the danger posed by their killers.

Christina Grimmie was shot as she signed autographs, it is likely that when the killer approached her table, at first glance, before he  pulled his weapon, he seemed like another fan seeking an autograph. No particular reason to view him as an adversary.

It has been reported that Omar Mateen, the killer at Pulse nightclub, was a frequent visitor to the nightclub, and a user of gay dating apps. We don’t know the motive, and speculation will bring us no relief. However, in a nightclub for the LGBT community, seeing another regular, who also used LGBT apps, would not have raised alarm bells. LGBT clubs have always been a safe-haven to the LGBT community. This makes this horrific attack all the more shocking.

At these times, where it seems that no one can be assumed to be safe, no one can be assumed to be trustworthy, to whom can we turn? It is a question which has been asked throughout the centuries,and even in the Psalms.

Psalm 55 expresses the psalmist’s sense of despair at “violence and strife in the city”, betrayal by his “companion” and “own familiar friend”. The psalmist trusts God for justice, redemption and calls upon God to deliver him. He commends us to

“Cast your burden upon the Lord and he will sustain you, and will not let the righteous fall forever.” (Psalm 55:22)

There comes a point at which human justice is insufficient or incapable of bringing us true justice when we suffer as the result of evil. It might be that the hurt is not covered by human law, yet that doesn’t diminish the human pain. Sometimes, as is the case for both the incidents in Orlando, the one committing evil evades human justice through death.

And yet Christianity gives us reason to be sure of justice, whether human justice has been evaded or not. Our God is a God of justice. He is also a God of forgiveness. God ensures that suffering is paid for, either by the one who caused it or by God Himself, through Jesus. It is this assurance of justice that allows the psalmist, and us, to trust God in the midst of betrayal and violence.

The prayer at the end of Psalm 55 in Common Worship: Daily Prayer seems particularly pertinent this week:

Lord, in all times of fear and dread, grant that we may so cast our burdens upon you, that you may bear us on the holy wings of the Spirit to the stronghold of your peace, through Jesus Christ our Lord.

Amen.

Let us make this our prayer for our nation and world, and hold onto the hope of justice that goes beyond our own abilities.

It’s been quite a while since I last wrote.

Since then I have moved home, started a new job and settled in a new church. It has been a strange and challenging time, of finding my feet in ‘proper adult life’, finding a routine and trying to listen to God in the midst of all that!

I can’t say much about my work on here, but it has been challenging, eye-opening and formative, and, for the most part, enjoyable. I often have to actively look for, and ask God for clues, as to where God is at work, it’s certainly not obvious, but then, I’m not sure what I should have expected in that regard – I am no longer working for a church, after all!

It is however, as it nears Christmas, probably a good time to reflect on what I have learnt this ‘term’, through all 3 aspects of the changes in my life.

Work

1. The need to listen carefully to my colleagues, not just for the purposes of work, but in terms of their emotions, feelings and the affect that this has on relationships and morale. From a Christian perspective, I have found it essential to pray about how I carry the Holy Spirit with me, and to be aware of how I act, speak and work, so that I can be a light, even when others around are negative, critical of colleagues and managers, or just got out of bed the wrong side!

2. The necessity of learning more about my work and all that surrounds that, in order that I can make wise, informed decisions, and sensibly, politely and firmly challenge others’ decisions with assurance.

3. The need for gratitude, affirmation and encouragement. This both refers to what I need (and am aware that it is sometimes lacking), and is also an observation of how morale improves generally when the above are a normal and habitual part of colleague relationships. I have tried to form a habit myself of thanking my colleagues when they have done work (even when it is simply part of their job role), which has enabled something to be completed, and to encourage them with good news of tasks that we have been working on jointly being completed. It’s a good habit to get into!

Church

1. One of the big things for me has been the move from a large church, with little liturgy and ‘modern songs’ sung in a period of extended worship, to a church in which liturgy (sung!) is interchanged with hymns. Firstly, a lot of these hymns I don’t know particularly well, and secondly, sung liturgy is completely new to me, and I’m still learning when to go up and down! However, it’s been very important for me to recognise that I can, and still am, meet with God in these services. This can mean listening to the words of the hymns or liturgy if I’m struggling with the tune, or focusing to start with on those parts of the service that I am familiar with, the bible reading and sermon.

2. Fellowship with all ages is vital. I have joined a house group this term, and it has been wonderful to learn from ladies who have been part of the church and following God for longer than I’ve been alive, as well as some younger members who have lots of wisdom and love to share with me.  I particularly enjoyed taking part in our Knitivity, being able to meet a family and another member of the congregation who live near me, and I hope to be able to get them more in the coming months. Their wisdom and life experience, as well as their love and welcome, has been really important in helping me settle in the church. At the same time, I have begun to realise that it is vital for me, as a younger member of the congregation to continue having fellowship with younger Christians across the city and country (and even world!) Skype is a wonderful gift, that has enabled me to catch up with, and pray for and with, friends who are in different cities and even countries. Along with that, I am wanting to be able to see my friends (mostly from last year) who are in Leicester, a little bit more often – although of course, we are all very busy, so it’s not easy!

3. Sometimes it’s OK to not be fully involved, but that can’t last forever. Having been involved in a church to the full last year, as an intern, the pause that came from having moved house, started a new job and joined a new church has been both strange and welcome. Welcome, because settling into a new home and job, and meeting new people and building relationships in another church is an essential but time-consuming process in itself, and to have tried to serve and prepare for things whilst also trying to find a routine that maintains energy and health would have been far too much for me. However, as this term has gone on, I have begun to notice that my expectation of God acting in my current places of significance (particularly work) has decreased. That may be because it is an intensely secular environment, where, as I mentioned, you have to actively and deliberately be on the look out for opportunities and the signs of His Spirit. Yet, I also suspect it is because, having not been actively involved in a church life for a while, I have seen less of God’s work generally, and less able, therefore, to celebrate His acts. As a consequence, my ‘spiritual senses’, have perhaps become a bit dull, and blunt. Having realised this, I have begun to explore ways to get involved, and am very excited to join a team helping both long-term members of our church and people who have not been to church in a long time to meet Jesus, either for the first time, or again, afresh.

Home

1. Living alone requires discipline, something I observe as an ‘area for improvement’! As with every home, there are things that need to be done – cleaning, tidying, washing up, to name a few! I’ve never been good at any of these areas. I sort of hoped that living alone would remove my previous excuses for not doing the following – after all, it is now definitely all my own mess. Unfortunately, whilst I definitely no longer have that excuse, that doesn’t mean I’ve actually managed to stay on top of any of it. Part of that is due to how exhausted (literally) that I am in the evenings, so of course it builds up during the week, and I never quite catch up over the weekends. However, I also know that I could improve if I was more disciplined about some of the basic tasks, so that’s an area I’ll be trying to improve in the coming months!
2.  Living alone can be lonely! It sounds obvious, but as a definite introvert, it’s not really something that bothers me during the week – I have enough human interaction at work! Yet, at weekends, I do wish I can see close friends more, and more friends of my own age, be they friends that I have known for a while, or friends who I am just making! I’m very thankful for Skype!
3. It’s a little scary being grown up, and having a salary, rent, bills and budgeting to manage. I think I’m doing OK, but it can be a bit daunting, especially when unexpected costs happen – this term I’ve needed both my headlights and sidelights replaced, which has been rather frustrating, but that comes with having a car, and is just part of growing up…!

I’ll try and blog again a bit sooner next time!